The POWSO, the Duel and the Fallen

Gerry returns from a road trip as Thomas makes his next move in his diabolical scheme to destroy the POWSO team.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (aka The Megan Fox’s Ass Movie)

POWSO welcomes outside contributors and this week we’re graced with a Transformers 2 Review by Andrea Shea. This article, and a boatload of other mind-blowing pieces can be viewed on her blog: www.aestheticanomaly.webs.com.

Okay, so I didn’t see it at midnight, but I got around to hunkering down and watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen eventually, and depending on what you’re looking for in this movie it could be considered anything from good/really good/phenomenal to subpar/bad/shove-a-railroad-spike-through-my-eye-and-please-God-let-it-pierce-my-brain atrocious. If you’re gunning for a deep and intellectual film loaded with rich themes and character interactions that will warm your heart or cause you to break down sobbing for days on end after watching it, then I’d suggest you run. Fast. Screaming would be ideal, but mostly just for my own entertainment. However, given that you’ve chosen to see this movie because “boom boom robots blow things up,” then yeah, Transformers 2 delivers in a big way.

Unsurprisingly, Transformers gets top marks in “unnecessarily sexual” category, particularly in the “exploiting Megan Fox’s status as a sex icon” subsection (and isn’t that really the only thing that matters in this film), although in a way that made me revise my previous assumption about the focus on Fox’s bounteous ass. Although her first appearance has her bent over a motorcycle in a borderline pornographic fashion, her ass shots actually only hit two or three in number by my count. Instead, this movie seemed more enthusiastic about her jiggling jugs as she scurried about an Egyptian village with Shia LaBeouf. Seriously, if I saw one more slow-mo running sequence in that five minute montage (that seemed to go on for an eternity), I was going to have to start demanding gratuitous movie time focused on Major Lennox (Joshua Duhamel) shirtless and wet to make me feel like I’d gotten my money’s worth for the soft porn I’d apparently paid to see.

Speaking of which, for how much I bitch about how this movie was basically advertised as “come spend some hard earned money to see Megan Fox’s ass”, I don’t think I can get all righteous after going to see The Hangover purely because Bradley Cooper and Justin Bartha both looked particularly hot in the previews. So I’ve dismounted from that particular high horse now (sort of), but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to continue my tirade against all the other unnecessary sexuality in this movie. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the first to laugh at a good sex joke (it’s the sort of thing that happens when you retain the humor of a fifteen year old boy as an eighteen year old girl), but a lot of the “lol not so subtle innuendo aren’t we funny” humor just felt like the writers were trying way too hard to score a cheap laugh and failed miserably on several counts (maybe not in the face of the average American idiot, but to anyone with an IQ above like, 10). Not that the writing of either Transformers movie was ever up for an Oscar or anything, but some tact and taste certainly wouldn’t have hurt in hopes of avoiding those numerous, utterly cringe-worthy moments. Littlecon humping Fox’s leg? I’m sure every male in the audience wanted to do the same, but there’s no need to remind us. Destructocon having giant iron balls? It’s like the writers were overcompensating for their own writing ineptitudes with a joke like that. And don’t even get me started on Whoreticon’s seduction/panty shot scene. If you’ll allow me to wax obscene, all of that was fan-fucking-tastically unnecessary bullshit.

Maybe you’ve noticed that I’m not actually using any of the actual Autobot/Decepticon names. This is a result of me not being an old school Transformers fan and thus having no background to look to when the movie got too involved with the bangs, booms, and explosions to tell me who anyone was beyond Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. Or maybe I just wasn’t paying attention because I was so swept up in said bangs, booms, and explosions, but either way, something’s wrong with the fact that I only knew two Autobot names in a movie brimming with alien cars to christen. And this brings me to another issue in the movie: characterization. Sure, there were a lot of Bots and Cons and humans in the movie , far too many to assign an individual personality to each, but you’d think they could at least focus on more than like…three. I’ll admit that I did really like Crotchity Old Con in all of his grumpy glory, but I can’t figure out if that’s because I was really all that attached to his character, or if it was the only character with any kind of personality to get attached to. And hell, Transformers is a remake of a cartoon, so most of the characters and their traits are already established and your work’s already half done. All that’s left is translating the characteristics onto the big screen. Or, y’know, not bothering. That’s cool too.

I’ve heard a lot of people complaining that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was far too long for a story it didn’t really tell so much as speed though so we could get to the cool robot fight sequences, but…that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? I mean, it’s not like this movie had much of a plot to speak of beyond “ancient betrayer rises up and tries to take over the world”, there was hardly any legitimate dialogue worth mentioning, and as far as I can remember, next to no character establishment/development. So what exactly is left to cut out, guys? Those really kick-ass action scenes?

Yeah, right. Talk about the only thing that made the movie worth seeing to begin with. Let’s be honest: I was not the only one salivating over those absolutely epic fights. Call me easily entertained, but there’s really nothing better than a well-choreographed robot brawl. They were nearly flawless in execution, pretty much shattered the Aesthetically Pleasing Scale, and looked – there’s just no eloquent way to put this – so damn sick. If I had to nitpick, I’d say that the only thing wrong with them was that most of the clanks, crashes, explosions, and other generic fight noises were usually so loud that they drowned out the dialogue.

Although on second thought, maybe that wasn’t such a flaw after all.

A Film Snob’s Double Standard or How I Learned to Hate Michael Bay Less and Hate Tarantino More

I go through phases of excitement and boredom when it comes to movies. There are times when I see so many good movies that I simply go into a creative fit and my brain is swimming in the endless possibilities. Then there are those other times when I just feel bored and frustrated by the fact that it’s all been said and done, and probably by someone much more capable and talented than myself. And then there’s Michael Bay and Quentin Tarantino…

Seemingly opposite ends of the spectrum, right? Sadly, no. Mr. Special effects and the “indie” cred man have much more in common than you might think. I don’t want my weekly columns to turn into the traditional, “bash on everyone who is famous” tirade of fanboys, so I am going to do my best and balance the negative and the positive. However, I make daily visits to IWatchStuff.com and after reading articles on both Transformers 2 and Inglorious Basterds, I began to notice some similarities Bays announced that the sequel to the Shia Le Bouf, robot carnage that was Transformers, would be “darker” and include three scenes shot in IMAX. It doesn’t take any Batman style detective skills to get the gist of what Bay is at here.

The Dark Knight was the most beloved film of 2008 and is the second highest grossing film of all time. It connected with audiences and Hollywood executives are dying to recreate the success of that film. It’s as if Bay and pals pulled out a check list and assumed that large franchise, dark mood, and IMAX equaled money bags that would make Scrooge McDuck envious. Their eyes probably lit up even more when they realized that they had Meagan Fo and not Maggie Gyllenhaal on their cast list.

Rather than introduce something new or original into the franchise, or even looking at the Transformers catalogue and drawing from the actual source material, he is copying another film hoping to that his equates to the same success.

Where does Tarantino fit in this? He does the exact same thing. However, he gets away with it only because he copies movies that a lot of younger people haven’t seen. The trailer for his latest film, Inglorious Basterds, uses the same graphics as the opening of Sergio Leone’s western classic, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. The first text that appears is “Once upon a time in Nazi-occupied France.” It may be over-kill in this instance, but two of Leone’s other films are Once Upon a Time in the West and Once Upon a Time in America.

In interviews, Tarantino even describes his latest film as a Spaghetti Western set in World War II. With Kill Bill, critics cited the Spaghetti Western as one of Tarantino’s obvious style influences, although the continued use of Ennio Morricone’s score throughout made it hard to ignore. Tarantino, like Bay, is capitalizing on the success of other films with the hope of replicating the same acclaim. They just cater to two different types of audiences.

What I am pointing out here can be seen in two different ways actually. The first is that both directors are unoriginal hacks who have never had a creative idea of their own. The other is that Bay gets a lot of flak for his ostentatious and unoriginal films when Tarantino earns critical and fan acclaim for merely copying shots and referencing his own personal DVD collection. Why the double standard? Is it because Tarantino rips off films that not as many people have seen? Why does that make it O.K.?

It’s frustrating to hear Tarantino acclaimed as “the best director of his generation” and “a unique voice in modern American cinema.” After reading interviews with both filmmakers, at least Tarantino openly acknowledges he’s ripping other people off. Bay operates under the delusion that he’s creating original modern day masterpieces.

I came to this article after noticing the similarities between these two filmmakers and finding that I will probably see Inglorious Basterds and not Transformers 2. My own hypocrisy at the situation surprises me. After watching Pearl Harbor, I made a vow to never watch another Michael Bay production. I guess at least there’s the possibility of good performances and some snappy dialogue in a Tarantino film.